Rants in the Pants, Episode 34-This is Genius!

One cool trick! This is genius! In only a few seconds a day! You’ll never again!

How many times have you seen these proclamations or others like them on the web? Psoriasis, restless leg syndrome, nail fungus, allergies, global warming, cooling your room, you name it. If you have a need, they have the solution for it that is simple and works in just minutes. Have you ever clicked on any of these click baits? Let me look into my crystal ball…Yes you have! I’ll bet everyone has at one time or another. Now, let me ask, did your clicking on that link resolve any issues? NO! Of course not. Clicking the link just made you feel stupid or pissed off.

I’ve been hurting lately. The pain has been getting me down and decreasing my energy level so I can’t get anything done. I’ve been suffering from sciatica. The pain travels down my leg and sometimes the leg buckles and I have to catch yourself before I fall. It’s scary. It’s painful. It’s annoying. I talked about it with a friend of mine. My phone was on, and it was near. I never, never, discussed it on the internet until later, after the internet exploded with suggestions for how to relieve sciatica.

There were suggestions for different concoctions that would relieve the pain and even a couple of inventions that would do the trick as well. I heroically resisted these baits as the pain in my leg grew worse every day. With the growth of the pain, the number of suggestions for relief grew as well. I swear they have found a way to get inside our heads. Is that ethical? Is that even possible?

Well, the pain got so bad, and the buckling of the leg was bothering me so much that I finally clicked on a link I thought was legit. It was a doctor who had had sciatica herself. She had found a stretching exercise that would relieve the pain as well as prevent its return. That sounded soooo good, I clicked.

I read the intro and saw there was a video. I surmised that it would show me how to do the exercise. In fact, that’s what the intro promised to do in just a couple of minutes. But I was mortified. The video went on and on about the doctor and her pain and how she not only relieved it and stopped it from returning but helped hundreds of others suffering from the same condition and could help you, too. I was about to fall asleep when a little notice flashed at the top of the screen: “Exercise will be shown in 2 minutes.” Yes! I timed it. Five minutes later the exercise had still not been shown but another message was flashed on the screen over the video: “Exercise will be shown in 2 minutes.” That kept me going. I was annoyed, however, that the video had no line at the bottom where you could skip ahead or see how long the video lasted. You could only pause or continue the video.

Finally, I woke from a short nap and the video was still going on and on without showing the exercise that would vanish my pain in only a couple of minutes. I stopped it right there.

I couldn’t leave the site, though. My pain drove me to continue scrolling and going from one page to another. Finally, stuck away in a corner way down one of the pages, I saw a picture of the doctor doing the exercise. It blew my mind, but I tried, I really tried to do this stretch that put my body in the shape of a twisted pretzel. There was no way… I called my chiropractor. He’s working on it now. It’s going to take some time. It’s not a one shot just a few minutes deal. But it’s working.

I will never click on one of these click baits again! I promise. Hear that advertisers? I sure hope you don’t either. It’s a waste of time that I don’t have. Maybe they will get the message when no one clicks on their ads. More likely they will find some other genius way of getting into our heads and influencing us.

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