Rants in the Pants, Episode 31- Tiny Vampire Season

One nice evening last summer, I was having a beer in the backyard with one of my favorite friends. He’s a fav because he’s so damn smart. He reads quite a bit but doesn’t put you down in any way for not knowing what he knows. We’ve had some very special and spectacular discussions and I’ve learned a lot from him.

Anyway, we were having a good time talking, and the darkness was falling though with all the streetlights, you would hardly notice. I was about to grab a couple more beers out of the cooler when there was a twinge on the back of my neck. Then there was an assault on my face from the air. It was those blood sucking, tiny vampire mosquitoes attacking me from both sides at once. I didn’t like being singled out for a feast.

I slapped my neck then swiped my face and screamed out, “Death to all mosquitoes!” As if that was going to scare them away!

My friend chuckled. “Do you know what you’re asking for?”

“Yes,” I answered. “We don’t need those little blood sucking vampires. Mosquitoes serve no purpose but to make a beautiful evening miserable. They all should be gotten rid of and banned from the planet. In fact, I highly applaud the efforts down in Florida to release male mosquitoes that will cause females to not reproduce. Sounds like a good way to get rid of them pesky buggers.”

“Everything has a purpose.” Sometimes my friend sounds like a Buddhist monk.

“What are you talking about?”

“You like birds, don’t you?”

“Yes, I like birds. What the hell has that got to do with the price of beans?”
“Well, many birds depend on mosquitoes as a food source as do bats, frogs, lizards and other animals.”

I thought a moment then came back with one of my snappy comebacks: “They can all go find something else for dinner.” I thought that would stop him in his tracks, but no. It just encouraged him.

“How about fish? You like to fish, don’t you?”

This was a well-engineered sucker punch. He knew how much I like to fish and wasn’t too bashful to use it against me.

“Without mosquitoes, a lot of fish wouldn’t be in the water for you to catch.”

He went on: “The world is an intricate web of life with all life depending on all the other lives living on this planet. Life lives because of death. Things that live must eat other beings and they, in turn, also must be eaten. If you take out one kind of animal, you damage the web. In this case, with the elimination of all mosquitoes, your fish would depopulate.”

Despite all the big words, I understood what he was saying. We are all dinner and have to get used to it. I have since changed my position from death to all mosquitoes to don’t come near me if you want to live. After all, we do have the right and the obligation to protect ourselves.

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