Rants in the Pants, Episode 26-Planet of Apes

With all that’s going on, three wars looking to escalate into a world war, degradation of our environment, degradation of our Constitution, children flocking to centers to get their sex changed and all the other confusing events, what does Hollywood come up with? Another Planet of the Apes movie. It’s not like they had enough already: Planet of the Apes, Beneath the Planet of the Apes, Escape from the Planet of the Apes, Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, Battle for the Planet of the Apes, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, War for the Planet of the Apes, Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, and Return to the Planet of the Apes. I’d say Freddie Kruger better step it up if he wants his movie series to keep up.

Was that enough ape movies? I’d say so. I believe we’ve seen enough of people in monkey suits and apes looking tough and carrying automatic weapons to last us a lifetime. And I’ve seen enough of monkeys falling in love with humans and kissing them, too. Yuck! We keep this up and we’ll soon have centers where kids who are uncomfortable in their own bodies will be able to transition themselves into apes. This will eventually destroy the clothing industry.

It is clear to me that our civilization will not end with a bang or a whimper, but with the sound apes make when they are excited at the devolution of the human species. Well, what is the title of this new flick? The Majesty of the Planet of the Apes. This title is so, so, baronial, so compelling, I must fork over $10 for a ticket and $20 for a bucket of popcorn and a soda to go see it. NOT! That $30 will buy me 1/3 of a bag of much needed groceries. Popcorn and sodas are not a food group.

If Hollywood really wanted to get my interest, they would do a remake of, V is for Vendetta, or they would make a movie with the title, Eat the Rich Globalists. But they won’t do that, so I have a suggestion for a sequel to this last movie: Return of the Revenge of the Son of Beneath the Majesty of the Planet of the Apes. I guarantee it will be a hit. I can’t guarantee that if the apes take over they will do any better than we humans have.


  1. Paul D on April 25, 2024 at 4:36 pm

    Hollywood lacks the writers an ingenuity to come up with interesting new films, hence the remakes and sequels. Remakes and sequels save on advertising because they have the element of familiarity/name recognition. Corporatists seek to take your hard earned money with the least amount of effort.

    • Ira White on April 25, 2024 at 5:11 pm

      You are absolutely correct about that Paul. And those who have the ingenuity to write interesting new stories are left out, especially when their work goes against the narrative the parasitic aristocrats want to promote.

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