Our language is changing so fast that no one can possibly keep up with it. AI and our wonderful grammar programs are insisting that our language become simpler, more standardized. In the process, we are losing a lot of words and phrases, and style has been watered down so that every author will soon sound the same. Consistency. It’s the same reason you go to McDonald’s.

If you told someone to “watch their mouth” a few decades ago, they wouldn’t pull out a mirror as some might do today. Likewise, “hold your tongue” might bring a smile as the listener grabbed their tongue with their hand. Older folks might remember that the first phrase means don’t cuss and the second is a colorful way of telling someone to be quiet. Both phrases have been replaced by “shut up!” This is a much coarser way of saying the same thing. However, even this phrase is being replaced by STFU which contains not only more syllables but also uses the once dreaded F bomb.

In past writings, I have used the word “hornswoggle,” which is a colorful way of telling someone they have been lied to. Well, we can’t have that! People, especially politicians, are now using, “they misspoke” or “they spoke an untruth.” The goal is to make the charge of lying softer, more gentle, and it achieves that.

The word “blunderbuss,” went through some interesting changes before this fine word was completely dropped from the language. At first, it referred to a pistol with a barrel that opened up wide at the end like a reverse funnel. It was designed for boarding sailing ships during a battle and scattered lead shot across a wide area. In the 1920s, it became a term used to describe a baby carriage. What a change! The word devolved into a name for a clumsy person before leaving the language for a repose in word heaven where it rests today.

A word that is still used on occasion is, “boondoggle.” With boondoggles all around us, it is an underused term to say the least. The phrase, “dumpster fire,” has come to replace it, and I’m not opposed to using this phrase as it has more color and expression than many of our newer terms. Politicians and talking heads have adopted this phrase with an almost religious fervor. There is a funny twist to the story of this word. While the patricians (the upper class) are content to use “dumpster fire” because of its relationship to garbage, the plebians (the rest of us) don’t think the new phrase goes far enough in expressing their disgust. The term, “shit show,” seems to be a more accepted word to them.

At this time, I would like to bring your attention to two words that have disappeared from general use that I think we desperately need.

The first word I would like to highlight is, “buffoon.”  A buffoon is a clown, a teller of bad jokes or a person who is a bad joke. I like the way this word rolls off the tongue. We certainly have a lot of buffoons running around pretending to run the country. The one most often mentioned has also caused the word to establish a relationship with the color, “orange.” The word is definitely underused and the cuss words used instead, while they are very descriptive, hurt the sensibilities of some people.

The second word I would like to reintroduce is a bit of a mouthful, but I suspect that once one gets it down, they will use it with pleasure. Drawn from the 1850s is the word, “quockerwodger.” Long ago, quockerwodger used to be a word for a wooden puppet. In the 1850s, the word became a designation for a politician who was controlled by others. With many of our elected officials controlled by other people and other countries, this word is sorely needed now!

Now I realize that words such as “cassette,” “cobbler,” and “marvelous” are disappearing or being replaced. We don’t have cobblers to make or fix our shoes anymore. Cassette tapes are passe’, and marvelous has been replaced by awesome. This is a natural process. However, the trimming of our vocabulary by grammar programs and AI is a danger to some words we need to keep: love, family, mother, and steak. It’s critical we keep these words.

I’ve been called a radical before, and I’m about to own that title with the following proposal: instead of fighting wars with Russia, Iran, China, and whoever else we are intending on bombing, let us dedicate those resources to saving our words instead. I would dearly like to hear someone tell me to hold my tongue instead of STFU.