I want to take this episode to congratulate some folks on their selflessness and downright heroic actions having to do with climate change. These people have been jetting around the globe in their private jets carrying their entourage and armored vehicles (They have to be kept safe from attacks by the riff raff and radicals) to attend meetings where they consume vintage wine and goodies from around the world (What a sacrifice!) in order to advance the fight against global warming. Excuse me. I’ve just been told I’m behind the times. Global warming is now Climate Change. Anyway, these heroes have gone above and beyond to find a way to keep all of us regular Joes and Janes safe from the impending doom that approaches us.
That is not all. They have also extended their virtue and invested their hard-earned money to help save the financial future of others by buying up beachfront properties that will soon be inundated with sea water. Can I get a hand for these heroes?
At the head of the list is that Champion of the Constitution and individual rights, former president Barrack Obama. Next in line is that philanthropic machine, Bill Gates and his former wife, Melinda. Following them is a list of celebrities and stars including Bruce Campbell, Tony Salazar, the beautiful Taylor Swift, Ashton Kutcher and too many more to list.
Again, a big thank you to all of these heroes and heroines who are going to take losses on their beachfronts when Climate Change makes the beaches disappear, so you don’t have to. In the meantime, be respectful of the “No Trespassing” signs they have installed on their properties. They’re for your safety.