Rants in the Pants, Episode 1

It has come to my attention that cows fart and produce methane that will warm the earth and this is why we need to stop eating meat and dairy. It occurs to me that we now have to get rid of cows but we can’t stop there. Other animals fart and release methane as well and their manure produces methane as it decomposes. So, let’s get rid of all farm animals. But what about pets? Pets need to be culled as well to save the earth. Getting rid of all these animals will also reduce the carbon dioxide they would produce by breathing.
There is also a problem with beans. Beans make people fart releasing killer methane into the atmosphere. They have to go as well as other plants that make us release methane such as cabbage, Brussels sprouts and any other edibles that have the potential to make us fart.
It also occurs to me that we humans, all 8 billion of us, release CO2 when we breathe, helping to destroy the planet. We could reduce this impact if we just breathed less. If our governments were on top of this they would have passed laws limiting breathing by people but they haven’t. Until they do, I’m asking the people of the world to voluntarily reduce their breathing to save the earth. After all, we only have one planet.

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